Alter-Egos

First of all, I would like to apologise to the one person, Sung Li in Laos, who reads this - though only because she's trying to learn English. I haven't blogged in forever and I regret not doing so.

That being said, I have a story to tell:

As you may know, I'm big on doing accents. I recently had it confirmed by legitimate British people who live in England and speak with British accents that my accents are, in fact, extremely authentic. So you can imagine my surprise - nay, astonishment - when I began speaking to myself in a British accent and it sounded like a Mexican girl trying to tell the world that she's just finished a cup of tea on the train returning from Hogwarts with a baked potato halfway down her throat. (That means it was awful.) I nearly burst into tears as I rushed my dog back into the house, rushed to my Harry Potter film collection, and attempted to shove all six DVD's into the player at once.

The above anecdote was just a little intro to today's real topic: Alter-Egos. Recently (as in 4 months ago), I was exposed to the cult classic film that is Fight Club. For those of you who haven't seen it, stop reading immediately and go watch it. Netflix. Blockbuster. Torrent. WATCH IT. If you don't watch it and plan on watching, skip the next paragraph because it IS a spoiler.

The narrator of the film, played by Ed Norton, has an alter-ego named Tyler Durdern, played by Brad Pitt. Brad Pitt plays Ed Norton's characters "id", which is the psychological term for the part of a person's subconscious that acts impulsively and does what it wants.

Now, you may be thinking "How many alter-egos could you possibly have, Kenny?" The answer is "Several." Your next question probably is "how legitimate could these alter-egos be?" My answer to you would be "Legitimate enough to blog about." I'll introduce you to them one by one.



-Eugene. This alter-ego is the most Tyler Durden-esque. Ed Norton in Fight Club has extreme insomnia. The only reason Brad Pitt exists is because of a condition called "mininaps" common in insomniacs. Brad is the one who creates Fight Club, Project: Mayhem, all the other impulsive things; he only did so because he was Ed Norton's character in his sleep. If you don't know me very well, you don't know that I, too, am an insomniac. Over the summer was my biggest case of insomnia. I would stay up for days at a time to the point that one day as I began my book for summer reading (which I had to write an essay on), I suddenly spaced out. When I became aware again, I noticed that I was holding my printed essay in my hands. Eugene had taken over my body, finished my book, and written my essay. Often times I would start off at home and end up at Bennigan's with my friends. Everything that happens in the spaciness of mininaps, at least to me, is done through Eugene. Eugene, I acknowledge your existence and would like to thank and welcome you into my life.

-Simon. This bloke is, you guessed it, British. My fascination with accents resulted in my ability to pick them up. This friendly Londoner, unlike Eugene, is a conscious alter-ego I intentionally put on. Occasionally when I'm in the mall or at a summer camp or going to a new school (that hasn't happened yet, but when I go to uni I'll totally do it), I'll activate Simon and start speaking with an accent. I've devised a whole identity for him, as well as my other conscious alter-egos. He's probably my most believable conscious alter-ego as well because of how solid my British accent is.

-Patty. With a stereotypical Irish name, this alter-ego enjoys a nice pint of Guinness and some cheery folk music. He often comes off as leprechaun, though only in my own fault; I'll occasionally forget that if I don't intentionally make my voice deeper, he sounds like his Lucky Charms have been stolen. When it is a quality impersonation, it's spot on. Try not to be fooled if you ever catch me at a restaurant ordering with a little jiggy tone.

-Sean. Scottish and damn proud of it, Sean is a lad who wouldn't mind being treated to an ice cold Irn-Bru. If you run into Sean at Disney World, Universal, or Busch Gardens, feel free to say hi, but don't say anything bad about Scotland. He'll kill ye (See Begbie in the film Trainspotting). If you ever stop by a rugby or football match with Scotland playing, you might be able to find him in the sea of Scotch blue shouting the national anthem, "Flower of Scotland" at the top of his lungs. Wanna hear a live bagpipist? He's your guy.

So I hope you enjoyed the company of my four closest friends. In case you're wondering, yes I do speak to Simon, Patty, and Sean on a daily basis. Out of the three, Simon and Sean are my favourites. Patty is often nowhere to be found, probably at my mental pub. So if you see me talking to myself, I'm not REALLY talking to myself and I'm most definitely not alone.



And to finish the anecdote from the beginning, I woke up this morning and Simon was back. I suppose he went on vacation. I could use one of those. Regardless of where he went, I'm sure he had a wonderful time.